HARUHI FUJIOKA: User Guide and Manual
by have-a-cookie
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own HARUHI FUJIOKA unit. This manual was made to ensure that you, the user, could get as much potential from your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit as possible.


**HARUHI FUJIOKA: User Guide and Manual**

**CONGRATULATIONS! **You have just purchased your very own HARUHI FUJIOKA unit. This manual was made to ensure that you, the user, could get as much potential from your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit as possible.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Haruhi Fujioka - will also respond to "Haru-chan" and "daughter"

*Note: Your unit will only (begrudgingly) respond to "daughter" towards a TAMAKI SUOH unit.

Age: 15

Place of Manufacture: Tokyo, Japan

Height: 162 cm

Weight: 49 kg

Length: N/A

**Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit comes equipped with the following:**

_One (1) Ugly brown sweater_

_One (1) pair of glasses_

_Five (5) packs of contact lenses_

_One (1) Ouran Academy uniform_

_One (1) faux-leather satchel_

_Several textbooks of a various range of subjects_

_One (1) "Commoner" bento box_

_One (1) pink dress_

_One (1) framed photograph of her late mother Kotoko_

_Two (2) packages of strawberries_

_One (1) tin of fancy tuna_

_Three (3) brown wigs of varying lengths and styles_

**Programming**

Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is equipped with the following traits:

Host: Hosting is what your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit was designed to do. She is considered the 'natural' type and will talk to girls about everyday things, her commoner lifestyle, or any other topic that may seem relevant at the time. Because your unit is working off a debt (which only grows each day thanks to a KYOYA OOTORI unit), she must disguise herself as a boy during hosting hours. Be warned that your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit makes for an attractive male and you will likely have to fight off her many admirers.

Tutor: Your unit is incredibly smart, and she holds top rank in her class. She spends all of her free time studying and has knowledge in a vast array of subjects. There are few problems that will stump your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit. You may have to bribe your unit with some fancy tuna before she'll agree to tutor you, but when you become the smartest kid in your class, it will be all well worth it.

Chef: Your unit comes equipped with a database filled with cheap, but very delicious, recipes that she can recreate. If you can't cook, look no further, for your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit can! She can cook almost any type of Japanese food and if you grow tired of oriental cuisine, simply hand her a recipe book of another culture. Your unit is programmed to learn fast.

*Note: Once you acquire a HARUHI FUJIOKA unit, you likely won't have to cook for yourself or any of the other units you own. She will take on the chore of making meals.

Model: Your unit, whether she knows it or not, makes for a beautiful model! If you are a budding designer and need someone to strut the catwalk in your beautiful designs, then the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is the unit for you! Of course, your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will not be a model willingly, and you will have to enlist the help of a HIKARU HITACHIIN, KAORU HITACHIIN, or a TAMAKI SUOH unit in order to get your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit to help you out. Or bribe her with some fancy tuna.

Babysitter: Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit comes with experience of handling immature hosts, and makes for a great babysitter! If you're too tired to watch after your younger brother or sister, enlist the help of HARUHI FUJIOKA! She can keep kids entertained for hours on end…or can at least bore them enough into a sleepy haze, in which she can tuck them in to bed. And, as a bonus, if your other OURAN EDITION units are bothering you too much, get the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit to watch over them for a few hours and they will be out of your hair.

Errand-girl: If you're feeling especially lazy, but have groceries or items to buy at the store, you can get your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit to get them for you! To get your unit to do your shopping, muster up your best pleading face and puppy dog eyes. Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will begrudgingly go out and do the shopping for you. You could also bribe her with fancy tuna, or if you manage to get a KYOYA OOTORI unit's help, you could threaten her as well.

**Removal of your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit from packaging**

We're quite pleased to inform you, the user, that your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is probably the easiest of the series to awaken from sleep.

Method 1: Simply open the box and shake your unit a bit. She will stir and then open her eyes. She'll probably ask for her glasses and then will get up out of the box to make some food or yell at some previously awoken units.

Method 2: Make some fatty tuna and set it in front of the box. The box will begin to shake, and your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will open the box herself and eat her fatty tuna before anyone can take it away.

Method 3: Sacrifice a TAMAKI SUOH unit. Tell him that a HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is trapped inside the box and he will start trying to tear the box apart himself and start screaming phrases like, "DON'T WORRY MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER, DADDY IS COMING!" Naturally, your TAMAKI SUOH unit will not be able to open the box without assistance, and your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will be able to get herself out. She'll glare at the TAMAKI SUOH unit (effectively sending him to his corner) and say, "I already have a dad senpai."

**Reprogramming**

Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is reprogrammable with the following modes

_Apathetic (default) _

_Annoyed (default)_

_Sharp-Tongued_

_Blissful_

_Kawaii-desu (locked)_

Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit comes preprogrammed in her _Apathetic_ and _Annoyed_ modes. In these modes, she will simply sit and watch as events unfold with fellow units. She won't show much emotion besides agitation, and will prefer to sit out of activities, games, trips, or anything else you, the user, might think of to do. In these modes you can expect your unit to be very anti-social, and we warn you to stay out of her way unless you wish to unlock _Sharp-Tongued_.

_Sharp-Tongued _is a very easy mode to unlock, especially if you have a nearby TAMAKI SUOH unit. In _Sharp-Tongued_, your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will be voicing many of the thoughts she is thinking in her default modes. The majority of her comments will be quite witty, if not a bit mean, and will often send your TAMAKI SUOH unit to his corner to sulk, or to "Mama" to pout. Stay out of your unit's way in _Sharp-Tongued _unless you want her cynical wit to attack you as well. To re-lock _Sharp-Tongued_, simply leave your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit alone to study, or with a TAKASHI MORINOZUKA unit for a few minutes.

In _Blissful_, your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will be locked in a state of perpetuated happiness that will not shatter even with the presence of a TAMAKI SUOH unit. She will smile much more often than she would in _Apathetic_ and _Annoyed_, and will be far more relaxed than she is in any other mode. _Blissful_ is the mode that is easiest to approach your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit in if you are looking to ask for a favor. To get your unit into _Blissful_, simply leave her alone for a few hours with light reading material, lots of fancy tuna and strawberries, and a sound soother. Your unit, so long as left undisturbed, will slowly lapse into _Blissful_. If, for some reason, you would like to re-lock _Blissful_, leave your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit with an ÉCLAIR TONNERE unit or wait until a TAMAKI SUOH unit grows a mushroom garden.

_Kawaii-desu _is a mode that is locked with good reason. In this mode, your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit starts to act more like a RENGE HOUSHAKUJI unit. Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will dye her hair bright colors (they are partial to pink, purple, and green), start finding merit in cosplay, and will introduce herself as "Haruhi-chan-desu!" Also, while in _Kawaii-desu_, your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will lose all signs of intelligence and restraint, and will begin to act very lovingly to any nearby units. This newly found affection will include love confessions, kissing, hugging, hand holding, and also some more yandere traits. If your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is _**not**_ proclaiming love for nearby units, she will be shipping them together instead. If, for whatever reason, you wish to unlock this mode, leave your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit around a RENGE HOUSHAKUJI unit for long periods of time or leave her alone with a yaoi doujinshi. We regret to inform you that we have no way of getting your unit out of _Kawaii-desu_. Often times, your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will realize on her own how ridiculous she is acting and will revert back to herself, but this is not always the case. If you are not careful, your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit may be stuck in _Kawaii-desu _forever.

**Relationships With Other Units**

TAMAKI SUOH: Despite whatever your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit says, she definitely has a very big soft spot for the TAMAKI SUOH units. Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will likely try to discourage this particular unit by calling him names or putting a stop to his antics. However, the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit and the TAMAKI SUOH unit are highly compatible and after a few tender moments together, the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will eventually come around to enjoy the TAMAKI SUOH unit's attempt at wooing.

*Note: If you purchase these two units together they **will** eventually form a romantic relationship. If you wish for your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit to be pursued by a different unit, **do not** allow interaction between the HARUHI FUJIOKA and TAMAKI SUOH units.

RYOUJI "RANKA" FUJIOKA: Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit loves her father very much, and will take care of him if he comes stumbling home drunk at three in the morning. The bond between the RANKA FUJIOKA and HARUHI FUJIOKA units is a very special bond indeed and you will often find that when the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is not badgering the RANKA FUJIOKA unit, the RANKA FUJIOKA unit is often sharing life advice.

BENIO AMAKUSA: The BENIO AMAKUSA unit scares your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit and it is advised that the two of them do not come into contact. The BENIO AMAKUSA unit will try and pursue your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit despite numerous protests. Usually your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit can handle the BENIO AMAKUSA unit on her own unless the BENIO AMAKUSA unit is accompanied by CHIZURU MAIHARA or HINAKO TSUWABUKI units.

**Cleaning**

Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is perfectly capable of cleaning herself and will not accept help from anyone. If you had previously told a TAMAKI SUOH unit that the commoner way of bathing is to do it together, we warn that your TAMAKI SUOH unit may be harmed if he tries to bathe with your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit.

*Note: We are not responsible for any damages that may befall on your TAMAKI SUOH unit.

**Feeding**

Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit isn't picky when it comes to food. However, some of her favorites include strawberries, fatty tuna, and ramen. You likely won't have to cook for your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit, and once you acquire a HARUHI FUJIOKA unit, you won't have to cook for the other units either. She will take care of it.

**Rest**

Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit surprisingly does not get much sleep. She chooses to spend most of her nights studying. Even if her nose isn't lost in her textbook, she always stays up until her father (the RANKA FUJIOKA unit) comes home from work or until she passes out from outright exhaustion. If you have many units (or even just the TAMAKI SUOH unit) your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit will tire out more easily. Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit also respectfully asks that no one tries to cuddle up with her at night, the exception being when there is a thunderstorm.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q. If my HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is stuck in _Kawaii-desu_, may I return her for a new unit?

A. On behalf of the OURAN EDITION unit company, I apologize and regret to inform you that, no, you may not return a unit stuck in their irreversible modes. You may purchase a new HARUHI FUJIOKA unit if you wish, or you could put your Kawaii-desu!Haruhi up for adoption, but you may not return her.

Q. Why is my HARUHI FUJIOKA unit such a stick in the mud?

A. It's merely her personality. Leave her with the hosts long enough and she'll mellow out…somewhat.

Q. Is it possible for Haruhi to fall in love with all the OURAN EDITION units?

A. Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit can form a relationship with _most _of the other units on the basis that there is **no** TAMAKI SUOH unit present. The two units are just naturally more compatible than the others and will form a relationship much faster as well.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: My unit is ignoring me!

Solution: Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is just naturally very anti-social. If you wish for her to talk to you, bribe her with some food, or talk about something relevant to her. She actually enjoys talking, you just need to choose the right topic to get her started.

Problem: I think my HARUHI FUJIOKA unit's voice box is broken.

Solution: Fortunately, this rarely is the case. Your HARUHI FUJIOKA unit simply enjoys singing, even though she does not have the prettiest voice. You likely heard her try to hit a falsetto rather than her box be broken. But if you genuinely think her voice box is malfunctioning, feel free to call our office and we'll have someone come and help you soon.

**End Notes**

Overall the HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is a very good friend who can (and will) keep you, the user, grounded. If you do not annoy her too much she will genuinely come to enjoy your company. Good luck!


End file.
